Sighs of the Past
by Rb
Summary: Tobias tells the story of his life.


**SIGHS OF THE PAST  
**

  
  
My name is Tobias.  
  
I'm not saying my last name. Why? What's the point of having it?  
  
To say what family you are from? Your 'clan', who your father is...I never even knew my dad. He died when I was little more than a baby. Then my mom split, leaving me in care of my oldest cousin. Then, I started to play the most fun game in the entire world. Musical family. Live with an aunt here, an uncle there, a cousin or two somewhere else...I was neglected. No. Beyond that. I was ignored.  
  
What do I remember of my mother?...she had long, dirty-blonde hair and blue eyes, and wasn't very old, only in her early twenties...she looked like me, only my eyes are a different color. My grandma said that my eyes looked like my father's. All I have of my father is a worn, fuzzy black-and-white photo of him I snuck out of the family album at Grandma's house, so I took her word for it. Grandpa had split too, a while ago (Like father, like daughter?), so when my family situation straightened out (Straightened out...yeah. Right. What happened was every relative had had me for a few weeks and didn't want me around. Why? I was a much quieter kid then most of my cousins. Better behaved, too.), I lived with Grandma, until I was about seven. Then Grandma died...she was the only one who cared about me.  
  
I was finally forced to live with my uncle. My father's brother. A drunken old fool who would beat me any chance he got, for no real reason. I'd stay in my room most of the time, playing with my toy dinosaurs. I was obsessed with dinosaurs, I guess. I envied them, their strength, their grace. No one would ever mess with them. I wished I were like them.   
  
Good thing my uncle lived near a big museum that dealt with dinosaurs. The people who worked there knew how much I liked dinosaurs, and would tell me things about them. One of the people who worked there felt sorry for me, I guess...this little skinny kid who wore dirty, scruffy clothing that never seemed to fit...She gave me toy dinosaurs and packets about them. For my eighth birthday, she gave me two books-one about the ancient dinosaurs, and one about their closest living relatives. Birds. From then on, I always loved birds. I spent much of the time in the dank room I lived in imagining what it must be like to fly under the bellies of the clouds, away from human cares and human  
troubles. Those were some of my happiest times.  
  
Then, after a year or so, musical relatives started again. I missed a lot of school, because most of my relatives didn't bother to enroll me in classes. By the time I'd finally finished third grade, I was ten. At the end of that year, I couldn't bear living with any of them, so I finally ran away.  
  
None of them cared about me. None of them wanted me. None of them even knew my name most of the time. None of them could even give me a reason that I should stay with them. So why should I have? No reason. They weren't my family anymore. I was all alone.  
  
After I ran away, I was picked up by the police, and was put in a foster family until they could locate my relatives. The foster family there was great. They cared about me. Tobias.  
  
I hadn't realized anyone could love me, after Grandma died. I thought that's why my Mom left. These people helped me realize that I was wrong, that I was lovable. And I loved them for it.   
  
With their help, I led an almost normal life. I watched TV, got an allowance, played some video games...the kind of life most kids take for granted, but I'd never really had. I even skipped a grade. I guess I _was_ smart, after all.  
  
When the officials finally found my uncle and his wife, three years later, and forced me to go live with them, I nearly cried. Nearly. But I didn't.   
  
I hadn't cried since Grandma died. There never seemed to be a reason.  
  
The kind family wanted to adopt me, but the police refused, feeding them some crap about how 'the boy needed to be with his family'. I wanted to scream at the police. Tell them off. Break my silent act and yell "These people care about me. They're more family then my uncle and aunt'll ever be!" But no, I couldn't. I was broken, silent. I was a wimp. A quiet child, whose voice had been broken by the terrors I knew could happen to me if I did open my mouth.  
  
Maybe, if I'd opened my mouth then...But I didn't. I was too weak to. And that set the pattern for the rest of my life.  
  
I said good-bye to the town that had been a place that I could truly call home. And the last happy period of my life ended. I was no longer Tobias the child. I was now Tobias, the 'emotionally disturbed' kid. Tall, gangly, shy, who could magically attract  
bullies like a sweaty neck attracts mosquitos. Teachers liked me, I guess, girls felt sorry for me. But mostly I drifted, like a toy sailboat bobbing in the middle of a river. Alone.  
  
After a few months, my uncle and aunt separated. I lived with my uncle about another six months, and then was sent to live with my aunt for another half-year. That was the story of my life. Whenever one of them finally realized I was at the house, they'd send me away to the other relative. I was some unwanted burden they'd torture each other with. They played a twisted game, in which I was only a pawn. I could only be moved around, like a large bundle of junk-mail.  
  
I didn't make any friends. How could I? I never even knew how long I was going to be somewhere for. And after my uncle and aunt had pushed me around the country a few times, I found out I was out-of-touch with the few people I'd known before. The only  
person I knew was my mother's friend, my 'aunt' Jennifer. She'd help me out when I was at my aunt's house. Drive me to the mall. Pick me up from school. Sometimes I'd eat dinner at her place. She always brought a smile to my face with her sarcastic comments. I liked her. She was one of those people who never really seemed to grow up, you know? Always kidding around. Not like most adults.  
  
One day, she drove me to the train station, as I was leaving for my uncle's again. "Don't forget to write," she said.   
"When was the last time I forgot?" I asked.   
"You always forget," she answered. "Same as your Mom. You're just like her, you know?"  
That was the best thing about her. She'd always tell me about my mom. I liked that. "Yeah."   
She rambled on a bit as we walked inside the train station, carrying my suitcases and duffel bag. "See ya, Tobias."   
"See ya, Aunt Jennifer."  
"Don't call me that!" she said, mock growling. "It's just Jenny. Nothing else." She looked at me seriously as the train started to roll up. "Don't let them push you around. Stand up for yourself. Assert yourself, once in a while."   
"I'll try."  
"'You'll try'?" she mocked. "You _better_ try putting it into practice!"   
"Yeah," I said again. The train doors opened. She hugged me for a second and then let me go. I climbed onboard and went to my seat. _Two days of boredom, coming right up,_ I thought.   
The train started puffing and we roared away. I waved once to Aunt Jennifer, still in the crowd, through the window. She continued waving as I settled back in my seat. I knew she would continue waving until the train dissappeared in the distance. I never did. Each visit between my aunt and uncle seemed like a chapter of my life that I wanted to close as soon as possible.   
  
From the square window next to my seat, I watched the mountains shoot up from the earth and crumble into desert, which was overtaken by thick farms. Even though I had seen the scenery before, it always meant something to me. What, I don't know.   
  
When I finally got to the town my uncle lived in, he met me there, grunting. He dropped me off at the school, his exact words being "You're enrolled already, dammit, so leave me alone."   
  
I was touched, actually, that he remembered I was coming. Last time, I'd had to stay at the train station six hours until they made me call him. And I'd needed to wait two weeks before I got enrolled in school.  
  
I went to school. There wasn't much else I could do. After my first class, some punks were giving me a swirlie when a kid came in, told them to back off, and they did. That was more than anyone else had done for me before.   
"Thanks," I said, getting up from the stall, trying to straighten out my always out-of-control hair. "I'm Tobias."  
"My name is Jake," he replied. He was my height, a little taller. Strong looking. Big. Brown hair, steady brown eyes. And he just commanded respect. "You new?"  
"Just got here," I admitted ruefully. "Uncle dropped me off as soon as I got out of the train station. I've been living with my aunt." I knew I was babbling, but...I was so out of touch with people, I didn't really know how to begin.  
Jake raised an eyebrow. "What's your next class?"  
"Science, I think. Do you know how to get to room 108?"   
  
I didn't see Jake all that often. Sometimes I'd eat lunch with him and Marco, his best friend, sometimes I'd eat by myself, daydreaming. I still wished I could fly. He was in a few of my classes. I didn't really see him outside of school.  
  
Until tonight.  
  
I walked through the mall. I made it a point to get away from my uncle every so often. I don't think he knew. Or cared.  
There was a bookstore. I spent some time browsing through the newest science-fiction arrivals.  
There was a pretzel shop. I wasn't hungry.   
I walked on through the mall.   
There was a store that sold comic books. There were a few video games and things there.   
I headed inside.   
  
I was never very good at video games.  
Read that as 'I suck at video games.'   
I was out of quarters in no time.  
  
I was about to leave when I spotted Jake and Marco. I headed over towards them. "What's up?" I asked.  
"Not much," Jake shrugged. "We're heading home."  
"Out of quarters," Marco commented. "Certain people keep forgetting that the SleazeTroll shows up right after you cross the Nether Fjord. So certain people keep losing the game -- and losing our quarter," he finished, jerking his thumb at Jake the  
entire time.  
I almost smiled. That was Marco, saying twenty words where only two would suffice. "So, like maybe I'll walk home with you guys."  
"Sure. Why not?" Jake said.  
  
If only I'd known.  
  
  


**THE END...OF THE BEGINNING  
**


End file.
